Sunday, March 30, 2014

what do i miss about my old life?

So many times I have started to write this post and then promptly forgot about it.  I'm kind of glad I forgot about it until now, because I have a different answer than I had a couple months ago.  

A couple months ago I would have said I missed going out to eat, eating junk food, drinking diet soda, stuffing myself at holidays, guzzling water when I'm really thirsty, tasting (or, really, snacking) as I cook or bake, and just the whole experience of eating in general.  

Someone on a weight loss forum I belong to posted this and I thought it was such a great description of how I felt after surgery:  "I think I am grieving food.  I am loving my results and so happy with my progress, but then I see a commercial or billboard with a deliciously juicy cheeseburger on it and I remember.  Almost like an ex boyfriend, lol.  Food was always my comfort, especially as an introvert who feels nobody understands me usually.  I would go to the drive through and get that greasy bag of love and comfort- they say food releases endorphins and some months those from food were the only I got.  I not only miss the cheeseburger, I miss the experience of eating it, bite after bite rapidly.  Taking gulps of soda in between and then squirting a smudge of ketchup on each bundle of fries I then shoved into my mouth.  I miss the large feeling of fullness in my stomach.  I hated myself each time not long after, but while I was eating I felt wonderful... Apply this to pizza, pasta, fried anything, cereal, Mexican food.... about anything triggers me."

So how do I feel now?  I still miss the experience of eating like I did before, but as my tastes change, I feel less and less like I am "grieving."  I'm enjoying trying new things and learning to judge my portions without measuring.  I can still pretty much eat what I want, just not as much.  I still get that "large feeling of fullness" mentioned above, but that happens when I accidentally overeat and it's definitely not enjoyable like it used to be; I try to avoid that.  I missed eating out at first, but I've started to go out to eat again (life isn't over!).  I don't miss junk food.  I don't miss diet soda, either.  I occasionally taste while I cook or bake, but not usually.  I need to save room in the tummy for my protein, so why bother?  I do miss being able to guzzle my water, though.  It kind of sucks that I can drink only about 2 ounces at a time, over the course of a few sips. That will change, though, as I get further out from surgery and my stomach pouch grows a little.

Overall, I feel good and it hasn't been the highly emotional experience I dreaded it would be.  Pretty much a non-event.  And that's a good thing.

1 comment:

  1. Dawn you should be so proud of the way you have handled all of this. I understand the missing of certain things your use too, but you are doing great. Keep up the good work and just think of how good you will feel about yourself as you lose more and more weight!!