struggling to get back on track

You've probably noticed that I haven't posted any weight loss in a long time.  That's because I'm at a standstill at the moment and have been for at least 5 months.  I'm not gaining, but I'm not losing either.  And that's my own fault.  I've been snacking and grazing.  A lot.

I was really strict with my diet for quite awhile.  Then I took the wrong job, a job I hated.  I was good for the first couple months, but after that it was downhill. I was so miserable at that place and depressed because I couldn't find another job fast enough.  My desk was very close to the kitchen and people would constantly bring food in. So, whenever I was procrastinating on something, either because it was boring or I was just miserable and didn't want to do it, I would wander into the kitchen and grab a few bites of whatever was there.  It started out as a couple trips a day:  a Munchkin here, two crackers there. But that quickly became a trip to the kitchen six, seven, eight times a day.  It got to where I was never actually, truly hungry while I was at work, because I was grazing all day.  And then, eventually, it continued on at home.  While it's true I can no longer sit down and eat two cheeseburgers at a time, it doesn't mean I can't eat the equivalent over the course of a few hours; I'm only limited in quantity at one sitting.

And I don't even want to talk about the Girl Scout Cookies....

So, I've been trying to get back on track. 

First challenge:  not buying things I can't control myself with.  I've told myself to stop buying things I know I have willpower over, like Chex Mix.  It's really tough to break the habit of buying snacks.  I went to the store the other day and I really had to talk to myself (in my head) while I was shopping, telling myself, "Don't by that.  You don't need it.  You know you have no control over it."  And of course the other part of my was saying, "Oh, just buy it.  Just eat it in moderation.  You'll be fine."  Nope.  I've tried that MANY times and I don't have the control to eat it in moderation; therefore, I'm not going to buy it.  I walked out of the store with no snacks for myself except some pork rinds.  I see pork rinds as being OK, because they have a lot of protein, no carbs, and just a few fill me up. 

Second challenge:  weighing, measuring and tracking my food.  I used to be religious about that, but then that other job happened and I slacked off.  Plus, when the weight just melts off effortlessly, it's easy to feel like you don't need to follow the rules, or you can break them once in awhile.  That leads to a plateau or even weight gain.  Well, I packed my food yesterday (I take breakfast and lunch to work), just like I do every weekday.  I packed the right foods. I measured and weighed. I even tracked it in My Fitness Pal!  I did great while I was at work.  But then I came home.  I was good while cooking dinner. I didn't sample anything; however, I really had to restrain myself big time.  So many times I caught myself getting ready to reach for something, especially when I was chopping up my cheese for the week.  But then I sat down to watch TV and decided to have some chips and queso dip.  I checked My Fitness Pal and it's amazing how fast the calories add up!!  But that enabled me to see where my problems are:  it's the snacking.  A little here, a little there.  Doesn't seem like much, but it does add up.  And that's why I'm not losing.

So, today I packed my lunch again.  I cut back on the portion of pork rinds (didn't realize I packed TWO portions' worth yesterday).  I also cut down on the cheese I used for lunch meat rollups.  I had a breakfast meeting today and they served bagels, scones, fruit, etc.  I didn't touch a thing...until it was over and they asked if we wanted to take anything back to our desks.  Big mistake.  I ended up with a bagel (my kryptonite) and a mini scone.  So, that derailed my calorie intake for the day.  Yes, I tracked it, but I HATED having to confess to my digital calorie-keeper that I had screwed it up already, and it wasn't even 9:30 am. 

I shall try again tomorrow. 

Weight loss surgery is great and it works, but we have to be very vigilant about making sure we don't let old habits resurface and that we don't let emotions drive us into creating new bad habits.