more shopping options!

Today I went to the store to find some summer clothes for my upcoming business trip to Huntington Beach, CA. I have some summer clothes, but not many.

I went to The Avenue first.  I got there around 11:30 am.  Their website said the store opens at 11 am, but it turns out they open at noon on Sunday. The Gap is right next door and I had a half an hour to kill, so I figured I'd look around. The "50% off clearance items" sign in the window lured me in, too. I didn't seriously think I'd find anything - I almost didn't go in - , but was hopeful. 

I've been resisting going to "regular" clothing stores, because I just don't want to deal with walking in, discovering they don't have my size, and then having to turn right back around again; I've been through that many times in my life and it's embarrassing. 

So, I headed into The Gap and prepared myself for disappointment. It took me a few minutes to figure out the store layout - all the clothes looked the same. And I felt so out of place, like everyone was staring at me. The whole time I kept thinking,"They all know I don't belong here. They know I'm a fat person trying to pretend these clothes fit me." I know it's my own self consciousness talking, but I've had a lifetime of these thoughts, so it's hard to undo In one shopping trip.  Everything looked so tiny! Even the XL sizes looked like Barbie doll clothes. But I grabbed a few things and headed for the dressing room.

The first shirt I tried on, an XL, fit, but it was way too form fitting for me (below).  I don't want people looking at my back fat. (I really hate when people wear clothing that's too small and I don't want to look like that.)  

This is a little too tight for me. It shows my rolls.

The next shirt, same size, was more my speed.  It was soft, comfy and roomy. I bought it. I later went online and got one in white.

This shirt I really liked. So soft and comfy.

I tried on capris also. I passed by them a few times, because they looked so tiny sitting there on the table.  I thought they couldn't possibly fit me, but they did!  Misses 16!! I think they look pretty damn good. I bought them because I just couldn't resist. And they were on sale (50% off the clearance price!) so I didn't feel bad about it.

I then went over to The Avenue. I needed a swimsuit for California and luckily I found one on the clearance rack. I got a few t shirts on clearance, too. 

I'm at the point where I can still buy from The Avenue if I get a 14 in pants and a 14/16 in tops, but I think it's time to move on.  I know I can now go to regular stores, but it's still a little scary. I still have the fear that they won't have "my size."  But they do. And it's so exciting!