my home gym: it's purple!

I've been sitting on this for a very long time. Since last year, as a matter of fact. I had some things going on at the time and didn't want to advertise it. Then life (and back pain) got in the way and I just didn't want to sit down and write a blog post; sitting too long hurt. Then I had my two back surgeries in March and couldn't sit down to write. Well, it's now May and I'm able to sit and write, so it's time to reveal my home gym. Plus, writing this will hopefully keep my mind occupied for a bit; I'm really struggling mentally at the moment.

When my previous company was bought, I didn't get a job offer. Instead, I was given a nice bonus to stay on for a period of time and wrap up things. Fine by me! I didn't want to work for the new company for several reasons, and that bonus enabled me to build a home gym.

My previous company had a small on-site gym, which I used four days per week. It was SO convenient--literally 20 feet from my office!  I would eat lunch at my desk, go into the gym at 4:00 PM, and then go home right after. It kept me on track, because I didn't have to go to a crowded gym across town. Nor did I have to drive home, eat dinner, change, and then go to the gym. That would have resulted in my saying, "Screw it!" Having that gym was awesome. When I left the company, I then had to either pick one of those two options, or work out at home on my patio since the new company doesn't have a gym. For several months I worked out either in the living room or on the patio, weather-permitting. It was fine, but it limited my workouts since I couldn't jump around in the house and I couldn't really buy any equipment I wanted and needed. Not to mention it was getting too hot outside to work out comfortably. That's when I decided I'd use my sizable bonus to build a home gym.  

The first step was deciding where the gym would be. I had several options:  convert the existing shed, which would need work and was smaller than I wanted; renovate part of the barn, which is huge and almost 300 years old; build one from scratch; or buy a prefab shed.  The first three options would take too much time, money and effort, so I opted to buy a prefab shed. Expensive, yes, but it would be delivered already completely built and sided, and they would do the minimal site work for us. It was very much worth it to us to not have to do a ton of work. 

Shed delivered! This is the side entrance.

Front entrance. Behind it is our barn, which is original to the property.

Once the shed was delivered, the next step was to insulate it and install drywall, run electricity, install a mini-split heat/AC unit (also very much worth it), and then paint it. I chose purple, because that's my favorite color. The exact color is Sonic Plum by Valspar, which I got at Lowe's. We didn't drywall the ceiling and instead left the beams exposed, which I painted white. Even though we used a spray gun for that, it was a big job. We also installed horse stall mats for the flooring. They're so easy to install. You just drag them in and lay them down. No need to glue or screw them down. Not all that easy to trim since they're quite thick, but we got it done. The final item was the wall of mirrors. Those were...fun. I completely shattered one by accident and then chipped another one. Rather than buy yet another mirror, I put that mirror in the far corner.

Inside, before we finished it off.

Painting finished!

Finally, it was time to fill it with the fun stuff! I had enough money left from my bonus to buy a piece of commercial grade equipment: a functional trainer. It's the Inspire Fitness FT2. Yes, it was expensive, but it was worth it. It does everything I need it to and then some. It comes with a smith bar, which hooks into the dual weight stacks. I opted for the bench and leg curl attachment. (I wish I didn't get the leg curl attachment, since it's not really something I should be using with my back problems. But maybe someday.) I bought a lateral bar to add to it so I can do proper lateral pull downs. I also added a battle rope, plyo boxes, a mat, a step, slam balls, wall balls, dumbbells, and kettle bells.  Within the last week I've added small weighted balls and a stretching strap, which I'll be using as I do physical therapy.

As you can see, a lot of work went into this gym. Yes, it was expensive, but it was worth it. I can go out there anytime I want, it's heated/cooled, has all the equipment I need (for now), and has a very nice, LOUD Bluetooth speaker. :) (If anyone wants to know, it's the Ultimate Ears Megablast, which has built-in Alexa.) It's my own personal space, kind of an escape.  And since it's right in my back yard, I have absolutely no reason not to work out! Though I just had back surgery, so I won't be able to do too much out there for a while yet. I'm back to using it, though. I do my physical therapy out there, which is helping me feel like myself again. A tiny bit, anyway.

My new functional trainer. Ignore the dusty floor mats.
They're black and don't photograph well.

The finished product! I even have a mini fridge for my water. 

The main wall.

Ignore the floor. I hadn't yet swept. I added a nice Bluetooth speaker, which is on the shelf.

life lately

I haven't done one of these posts in a while, so I guess it's time. Actually, it's time for ANY post. I'm getting worse with posting. I often just don't feel like writing anymore.  Anyway...

Back Pain

This has improved. Last time I posted I had just had radio frequency ablation on the left side of my lumbar spine. I saw some good pain relief. I had the right side done a few weeks ago, and that went well, too. I haven't seen quite as much improvement on that side; however, I'm told that it can take up to six weeks to feel the full effects of the ablation.

I will say that other areas are bothering me at the moment, such as the sciatic nerves on both sides, as well as my elbows and one knee. That said, I'm in between jobs at the moment--even though I'm working out consistently, I'm doing WAY more sitting around than I did when I was working at a desk all day. I'm confident that once I go back to work next week, things will improve.

Work

I mentioned in my last post that I'm starting a new job soon. That's because the bank I worked for was sold to another bank and I didn't get a job offer from the acquiring bank. No big deal. I really didn't want to work for that bank, or commute that far, anyway. I do have another job lined up at another bank, which starts next week.

Everyone asks me, "Are you excited about the new job?" Hmm. I'm not sure, really. I wouldn't really say I'm "excited" the way I would be if I was willingly leaving my last job for greener pastures. I mean, I'm glad I got another job quickly so I won't have to worry about being able to pay my bills; however, I didn't move on to another job by choice. Also, I didn't really want to go back into a bank. Instead, I wanted to work for a vendor that has banks as its clients, but that didn't pan out. I guess I could say the part I'm "excited" about is that one of my responsibilities is to affect change within the department. Not in terms of people, but in terms of policy and procedure. I like trying to figure out those types of things. I think it will be challenging, which is something I can be excited about.

Oh, and I took and passed a certification exam for my area of expertise. The picture up top is of Tiffany. She was "helping" me study, as were these clowns, Arlo and Emily.

Diet and Exercise

This is a mixed bag, as always. While my workouts are on point--five days a week without fail--my eating is...not.  Still. My last job ended very recently and I told myself I'd use the little time I have in between jobs to get my diet straightened out. Guess what?  I didn't. I've probably been eating worse than usual since my days now have no routine at all, other than going to the gym or the occasional errand. I'm looking forward to going back to work next week, if only to get myself back into a routine and away from the kitchen.

During my time off I've been using the gym in town, which is only $10.00 per month--can't beat that! I could do most of my workout at home and improvise the exercises that require a machine, but I chose to go to the gym so I at least get myself out of the house for a couple hours each day. Plus I have a membership so I might as well use it!

My trainer uses the same gym and I've run into him several times. We talk for a few minutes and then go our separate ways usually. A couple times, though, he used it as an opportunity to say, "Here, let's try this machine!" Which is fine because it gave me another thing to incorporate when I get bored of doing the same thing. But it's a new exercise I haven't done before, which means I'm SORE the next two days and that runs right into my next session with him and he decides to work those same muscles. Of course he does! Very sore!!  I have to say, though, I really enjoyed seeing him work as hard as he makes me work. He was sweating and sometimes struggling just as much, which was really satisfying!

One thing I'm not thrilled about at the new job is that they don't have an in-house gym. I know I was quite lucky that my last company had one and it was literally about 20 feet from my office, but it still stinks. I used that gym four days per week. I would go in there at 4 pm, do my workout, and then go home for the day. And it had all the equipment I needed. I know I could just go to the regular gym, but I really hate having to go after work when there's four times as many people and they all want the same machines. There's a gym down the road from work, but I'd have the same issue there. For the time being I plan to do my workout in the house. Once it warms up, I can go outside on the patio.

Wrap-Up

I'll wrap this post up by saying that I'm really disappointed in myself that I didn't do more with my time off. I thought that having free time would make me want to do All The Things, including writing more blog posts and just doing some writing in general. Nope. It made me not want to do Any Of The Things. Well, I accomplished a few things, but definitely not as much as I'd hoped. But I think things will get back to normal once I'm back at work. Let's hope!

my new workout: OMG i'm so sore!

I regret asking my trainer if it's time to change my workout. I'm so sore this week!

I've been doing the same basic workout at the gym four days a week for quite awhile now. I'm a bit bored, but it's at the point where I know what to expect, how I'll feel when I'm done, and I'm kind of on auto pilot.

My current workout looks something like this:

• Warm-up on the treadmill for 15 minutes, typically walking at 2.8 MPH while reading a book on my phone. I usually do this since I've been sitting at my desk all day (the gym is at work) and I need to loosen up; it helps relieve the back pain.  (I do a different warm-up when I go to see the trainer since time is limited and he's there to make me do it:  three sets of jumping jacks, mountain climbers and jogging in place.)
• Three sets:  15 kettle bell swings (20 lbs.); 15 reverse lunges with kettle bell (15 lbs.); 15 sumo uprights with kettle bell (25 lbs.); and 15 lateral pulldowns (60 lbs.)
• Three sets:  20 walking lunges (sometimes with two 10 lb. weights or a 10 lb. medicine ball); 20 body squats (sometimes with a 10 or 15 lb. weight or 10 lb. medicine ball); and either 15 pushups (floor or incline) or 10-15 squat jumps
• Three sets of exercises on the weight machine. This varies from day to day and depends mostly on how my back is feeling. I typically do two of the following exercises:  10-15 chest presses with 40-50 lbs. of weight; 10-15 biceps curls with 30-40 lbs. of weight; 15 triceps pushdowns with 50 lbs of weight; or 15 cable squat rows with 70 lbs. of weight.
• At the end I may add in a plank or wall sit for one minute, also depending on how my back feels.
• I end with three different stretches.

To someone who doesn't really workout or does a different workout, this may look like a lot (or not), and it is. But having done it for a long time now, I'm much more efficient at it, which means I'm not working as hard as I could since I'm not really changing it up or challenging myself. Yes, I sweat and feel like I worked hard, but it's not difficult anymore. So, I asked my trainer last week if it's time for a change and, of course, he said yes. (Not sure why I thought he'd say no...) When I went to my appointment last week he showed me a preview of the new workout and...I'm really sore!

My new workouts look like this (he gave me two different ones that I will rotate throughout the week):

Workout 1, which I will do on Mondays and Wednesdays:

• Warm-up (same as above)
• Three sets:  20 walking lunges; 20 body squats; and 15 squat jumps
• Three sets:  20 flies using two 10 lb. dumbbells; and 15 push-ups
• Three sets:  20 chest presses  (30 lbs.; I may need to drop this to 25 lbs. since it was almost impossible to get through all three sets at 30 lbs.)
• Three sets:  Left and right leg crunches, 15 on each side; and 15 flutter kicks
• End with a one-minute plank or wall sit several times per week
• End with three different stretches

Workout 2, which I will do on Tuesdays and Fridays:

• Warm-up (same as above)
• Three sets:  20 lateral lunges; 20 wide body squats; and 15 scissor jumps
• Three sets:  20 lateral pulldowns (40 lbs.); and 20 biceps curls with either two 10 lb. dumbbells or on the weight machine with 20 lbs. of weight
• Three sets:  20 kettle bell swings (20 lbs.) and 20 wall ball using a 10 lb. wall ball
• Three sets:  20 ins and outs; and 20 bicycles
• End with a one-minute plank or wall sit several times per week
• End with three different stretches

Today is Wednesday and I've done both of the new workouts this week. How did it go? Well, I made it through the whole thing both days; however, I couldn't do all the ins and outs, and bicycles. I was able to do 10-15 each time, but not 20; it was really, really hard and my abs felt like they'd rip apart. Partly because they were sore from the previous day, and partly because it was just hard--I'm not used to doing ab work. And also it was rough on my back, even though the trainer showed me how to minimize pressure on it. Also, 30 lbs. on the chest press was almost impossible. Basically, the way it should go is that it should be really difficult to push out the last few reps during the third set. Instead, it was super difficult midway through the second set, so I'll need to bump it down to 25 lbs. until I get used to it. I found the scissor jumps to be difficult, mainly because I'm not used to the movement--it's basically a squat jump but you land in the lunge position) and my balance isn't what it used to be. For the next week or so I'll concentrate more on getting the movement right and improving my balance, and then I'll move on to speeding it up a bit. And finally, I found the wall ball/kettle bell swing portion to be difficult. It wasn't that it was hard on my back or too much weight, but, rather, it winded me for some reason. I'm guessing that's because I'm engaging the core during both exercises, which can cause me to become a bit winded usually.

So, to sum it up: I got through it, but I'm really sore and I want to die when I cough (well, maybe it's not THAT bad...). But I'm hoping this helps me get eating habits going back in the right direction again.

what's your workout soundtrack?

I've finally developed a workout soundtrack for myself and I'm so glad I did.  I now find that it's easier to keep myself on track, motivated (mostly) and entertained while doing my workout. It also makes it go by so much faster!

When I first started seriously working out way back in March 2016, I worked out in silence. Since I was in the company gym all by myself, I really didn't need any music and just did my thing; however, I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to get through it and seemed to take much longer than it really did.  When I went to the trainer each week, it seemed to go by really fast. I assumed it was because I had a person to interact with. One day I decided to play some music I'd downloaded onto my phone and it was a light bulb moment:  my workout went by much faster and I wasn't bored. I came to realize that I enjoyed having music while working out. I also came to realize that, in addition to the lack of music making my workout feel longer, I spent a lot of time bitching and moaning to myself in between sets, which made my workout actually be longer. Once I got the music going and adopted the attitude of, "Just suck it up and get it over with," things got much easier and more efficient in the gym.

About six months ago I decided to try the Pandora music app on my phone since I was bored of the music on my phone, and it was a pain to have to keep adding music while connected to my computer at home. My trainer uses it for his clients and he always plays the Hard Rock Strength Training station for me. I found that I liked a lot of the music, so I decided to give it a try myself. It's about $10.00 a month, which is the Pandora Premium subscription (I can play it in my car, too), although you can get the free version if you don't want to pay for it. It just means some of the functionality is limited and there are ads.

For awhile I played the Hard Rock Strength Training station and found that I kept playing the same songs when I worked out (they show up in the Recent list for easy access). I then eventually figured out that I could make my own custom playlists--I was a little slow on the uptake there--and that's been great for me. I promptly made a workout playlist, which I use everyday when I work out on my own.

This is my main playlist:

• 'Till I Collapse by Eminem
• Feel Invincible by Skillet
• Not Afraid by Eminem
• State of My Head by Shinedown
• Jekyll and Hyde by Five Finger Death Punch
• Closer by Nine Inch Nails
• Dead but Rising by Volbeat
• Remember the Name by Fort Minor
• Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit 
• Wild Side by Motley Crue

The list probably looks a bit short, but that's because I typically walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes and read a book when I workout in the gym at work. And the reason for the walking, rather than what the trainer has me do (jogging in place, jumping jacks and mountain climbers), is that I sit at a desk all day and really need the walking to loosen my back and leg muscles. 

Other music on the playlist, which I sometimes play if I want to switch it up:

• Still Counting by Volbeat
• Back in Black by AC/DC
• Whole Lotta Rosie by AC/DC
• Bleed it Out by Linkin Park (this is great for warming up)
• Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A. (never heard this one until someone on a forum I read suggested it)
• Black Rose by Volbeat
• And many more, most of which is Volbeat, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed and AC/DC

I've also made a few playlists that I can use when I see the trainer since the studio has a wireless speaker. My custom playlist was a lifesaver in the studio this past week when I was getting over a cold and needed something especially fast-paced for my warm-up (he makes me jog in place, and do jumping jacks and mountain climbers).  

So what's on your workout playlist? What song do you absolutely have to play every time, either because it gets the blood flowing or it means something to you? For me it's 'Till I Collapse by Eminem. Not only do I like the beat, which works well for the type of workout I do, but I like the lyrics.  I think the first part says it all and can apply to so many things in life. 

'Cause sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak 

And when you feel weak 

You feel like you wanna just give up 

But you gotta search within you 

Tryna find that inner strength 

And just pull that shit out of you 

And get that motivation to not give up 

And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall 

Flat on your face and collapse 

what keeps me going?

Recently I was posting in a comment thread on a website I read regularly. The discussion was about working out and what we accomplished last week, and are planning to do next week. I posted that I work out five days a week: four days on my own and one day with my trainer. My main accomplishment was that I kept up with it, even though my back was bothering me more that week. I had one day where I just wasn't feeling the motivation at all. I still worked out, but I took it easy; I pretty much just slogged through it, though. (My trainer had me do burpees the day before, which might be why my back was bothering me more. I hate burpees, mainly because with my back issues, I’m always worried I’ll hurt myself, but he limits it to about 6-10 reps and makes sure before I do them that I’m feeling up to it. Since I haven’t done them very much yet, I’m pretty awkward at it. Plus I have long legs and it makes it hard to get down on the floor and then back up the way I’m supposed to.) The other accomplishment was that I'd added 10 pounds to the lateral pulldown, for a total of 60 pounds. It was tough, but I did it. I also did some chest presses (30 pounds--I'm a weakling!), which I don’t normally do. I’m hoping that doing them will help me to eventually do a full pushup; it’s been two years of working out and I STILL can’t get all the way down into a full pushup. 

As a follow-up, someone asked me how I stay motivated. I had weight loss surgery over four years ago and then had a tummy tuck last year to repair the abdominal muscles and remove a bunch of excess skin on my abdomen. Between the money I spent for that–insurance wouldn’t cover a lot of it, and the tummy tuck was totally out of pocket– and the money I spend on a trainer, even for once a week, I know that if I don’t work out on my own at least three to four times a week, I’m wasting money and will have wasted a lot of money, time, pain and hard work if I gain all the weight back. I’d be an asshole if I let that happen. Honestly, that’s actually what keeps me going. Now that I’ve been doing it for two years, I just know it’s something I have to do for the rest of my life if I want to stay in shape, help my back feel better (bulging discs and an annular tear, plus scoliosis), not regain the weight and feel good about myself. I’ve just accepted that this is part of my life and daily routine, so I just suck it up and do it. (It took a long time to accept this!) Instead of taking a lunch hour at work, I eat at my desk and then go in the gym from 4 pm-5 pm. I don’t love it, and I barely like it much of the time, but I like feeling physically strong. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I just keep in mind that the next hour is going to tick by whether I exercise or not. It’s inevitable that the time will pass. Might as well just do it and get it over with so I feel better about myself. I spent the first 39 years of my life being overweight (as young as three, I think), then obese (pre-teen through about 24), and then morbidly obese (probably 25 through 39). I’m tired of that and I’m not going back. And in order to not go back, I have to keep up the workouts.

I’m very proud of myself that I’m still working out consistently after two years. I’ve never made it this far before. Normally six months is the point at which I get bored with just about anything I try. Going to a trainer once a week is a huge help–if I don’t workout on my own at least three times a week, it’s a total waste of money, which is mostly what keeps me going. Plus I don’t want to gain all the weight back or wreck the tummy tuck I had.

I don't continue to workout because I love it. I do it because I should and it makes me feel good. It also keeps the back pain under control. I look around at a lot of other people who have lost a lot of weight by whatever means, and so many of them talk about how they just love to workout and they have so much energy, etc., etc., etc. It really annoys me that that didn’t happen to me. I’m still not a high energy person even though I’m no longer morbidly obese, and I don’t love working out and I have to force myself to do it, but I do it nonetheless. I’m proud of myself that I never skip “just because.” If I skip, it’s because I’m sick, super busy, or my back is really acting up. (And travel is not an excuse to skip: hotels have gyms. If not, I can do a bodyweight workout in my hotel room.) I never cancel the trainer, either, without a good reason. Just because I pay him doesn't mean I can cancel last minute because "I don't feel like." That's just rude and lazy. His time, personal and working, is valuable.

So, what's the key takeaway from this long, pictureless post? Just suck it up and do it. Get off your ass and get it over with. You'll feel better and get a sense of accomplishment that you're doing something good for yourself, both mentally and physically. And it won't kill you. Really. (But do make sure you're well enough to exercise before starting!)

my workout progress

Today I thought I'd give you a glimpse into my workouts.

I've started keeping a workout log so I can see my progress, but it's also so I can send it to my trainer. He often asks me what I did for my workouts during the week, and, since my memory sucks, I probably sound like I'm making it up as I struggle to remember. So, I decided to create an Excel spreadsheet, which I then email to him before my training appointment. I've been keeping it since June 12.

I started working out again at the beginning of May, but didn't start keeping the log until a couple weeks ago; however, I posted back in May that my first workout went like this:






And this is what I'm doing now.  It varies from day to day, but this is a good representation of how far I've come in two months. I've left the blank rows to show you what I might do on any given day. Now that I'm done with the surgery, I tend to mix things up, which helps me stay motivated and interested. I'm not breaking any records with the weights, but I've been able to gradually increase the weight over the last two months, which means my abs are healing and I'm making progress.





My trainer had me do the plank last week and I was shocked (shocked, I tell you!) to see that I was able to hold it for a full minute. Prior to surgery I'd gotten up to about 1:20, so that was really good. Was it tough? Yes. Did I want to give up? Yes, during the last 10 seconds or so. Was there pain in my healing abs? A little, but nothing I couldn't handle; that's improving. Did I accidentally spit on the exercise mat because I wanted to collapse during those last 10 seconds and I refused to and was breathing like a maniac? Maybe...

My trainer says he will be introducing some new exercises over the next month or so. I'm excited, but nervous, too. Mainly because he keeps warning me there will be burpees in the my future. I can't imagine being able to do this. But I said that about other things and I've done them. This will be just another thing to conquer.

back to the trainer i go!

Thursday night was my first session with my personal trainer since my surgery in February.

I worked out Tuesday and Wednesday, despite the sore muscles. Same routine as Monday:  20 minutes of walking on the treadmill, followed by three sets of 20 squats, 20 lunges, and 10 dumbbell presses with 10 pound dumbbells. It was a tiny bit easier this time around, but I was pretty tired when I was done. As expected, Monday's post-workout muscle soreness had fully set in by Wednesday and I was VERY sore!  My legs were sore in general, but my quads were really sore. So much so that it was a project to use the toilet. I made sure to use the handicapped stall, because it has railings I could use to lower myself down.  I am SO glad that I started working out on my own earlier in the week. I got the worst of the soreness over with and it got me back into the mindset to workout.

When I went to the trainer Thursday night, he had a ton of questions about how the surgery went, what they did, how I felt afterwards, how I feel now, my range of movement, etc.  He started me off with a warm-up:  three sets of jogging in place, jumping jacks, and very slow mountain climbers. Mountains climbers weren't hard, but I definitely wasn't able to do them the proper way. He then had me do four sets of lunges, with each set being three complete round trips across the studio.  Next were three sets of 10 squats holding a 5 pound weight. I then did three sets of 10 sumo squats with a 15 pound kettle bell. Finally, it was three sets of lateral pull-downs with a very light weight (not sure what it was). I honestly didn't feel anything in my abs until it was time to do the lateral pull-downs. My squads and thighs were killing me, but that's it. The pull-downs weren't difficult, but they tired me out and my abs were sore. Actually, it wasn't pain, really. It felt like a punching when I pulled down on the bar, and like I was being stretched out when bringing the bar back up. After that I was done for the night. He gave me A LOT of rest periods, but I was still pretty beat.

Basically, I'm pretty much starting from almost the beginning again. He estimates it will take me at least a month or more to get back to where I was before surgery. For now, he wants me to work out only three days a week. It will give me plenty of recovery time and will help me to slowly get back up to speed. He didn't make me do any squat jumps (thank you!!), since those bother me right now. It's the combination of jumping up and reaching up with my arms at the same time, I think. And no push-ups. (Darn....)  He said we'll try a push-up in a few weeks once I've gotten back into the swing of things and my ab muscles are healed a bit more. Knowing how I felt last week doing that one push-up, I'm already pretty nervous for the day when he has me try again. Logically, I know I'm not a fragile flower and I'm pretty well healed, but I can't help but worry that doing a push-up will tear apart my surgically repaired ab muscles. It won't--it's just me being a big ol' baby.  And I have to get over it if I want to move forward.

sore muscles and a bruised ego

Yesterday I went back to working out for the first time since my tummy tuck. I'm sore, and my ego is a bit bruised today.

My last workout was February 24--that's a little over 10 weeks since my last workout. I would have started earlier; however, the middle of my incision separated about three weeks after surgery and it just recently closed up completely. I didn't want to cause any delay in it closing up, plus it was quite sensitive in that area, so I decided to wait until it was closed to start working out again. Could I have done some very basic moves? Yes. But, like I said, I really didn't want to cause any delays in healing the incision.

I made an appointment to go back to my trainer this coming Thursday and decided I should work out a bit before going back. That way I can get the initial soreness over with and hopefully be back in the swing by then. When trying to figure out what I should do for my first workout, I took a look at the ones my trainer gave me when I first started last year. I have to say, I was quite shocked at how little it actually was, but how much it seemed to be at that time: three sets of 10 squats, 10 lunges, 10 jump squats and however many pushups I could do. And that's it. So, I figured I'd do the squats and lunges at the very least. I didn't want to do jump squats given there's still some sensitivity and skin movement (aka "jiggling") in certain areas, and I figured I wouldn't be able to do pushups yet. But three sets of 10 squats and 10 lunges seemed way too easy. And lazy on my part after all I'd been able to do before surgery. So, I decided on three sets of 20 squats, 20 lunges, 10 dumbbell presses with 10 pound dumbbells, and 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill.

How did it go? I did it. I started with the treadmill to warm up. I normally walk at 3.0 MPH or a little faster, but I had to keep it around 2.8 MPH since it was tiring me out. I then started my three sets: lunges, then squats, and then the dumbbell presses. It started out good, although my knees cracked with every lunge. I struggled a little getting through 20 squats, but I did it. The dumbbell presses were pretty easy. Well, halfway through my second set, the muscle soreness set in. Big time. So then I started my third set. I nearly fell over when I started the lunges. That's how sore my muscles got. I rested for a couple minutes and walked it off, then tried again. I got through the rest of it and finished.

I then tried a pushup. I was feeling good because I accomplished something and got a bit cocky about it, I admit. Big mistake. Big. The pain took my breath away for a few seconds and I got up as fast as I could to walk it off. It felt like someone stabbed me in the abs. That's because of all the muscle repair the surgeon had to do. Until that moment, I had no idea how much core strength it takes to be able to do a pushup. Needless to say, I was done at that point. I won't be trying that again until I build the muscles back up.

I was really surprised the soreness set in before I even finished the workout. I was expecting it to happen maybe a little while afterwards or last night. Not halfway through! Today I'm sore, although not as bad as when I first started last year. But, yeah, I feel like a weakling today.

Unfortunately, weight loss surgery didn't magically make me into someone who loves working out. It happens for may WLS patients, but not me. I wish it was different, but it is what it is: for the rest of my life it will be something I do because I need to maintain my weight and stay healthy. But I have to say, although I don't necessarily enjoy working out, I really miss how strong I felt when I was at my best before the tummy tuck. I miss the feeling of knowing I can lift the 40 pound bag of cat litter without struggling, or lug around a wet bag of mulch. I miss knowing I can complete a tough hour-long workout and not drop dead. And I miss pointing out my big quad muscles to my husband; I get a little thrill out of that for some reason. He's not quite as impressed as I am, though.

It's back in the gym today. I'll just have to work through the soreness, just like I did last year when I first started out. (And while at work I'm making sure to use the handicap bathroom stall--it's got the highest toilet and railings on the side. That way I don't have as far to go when sitting down.)

prepping for surgery!

Surgery is only 25 days away! I can't believe it's almost here.

In preparation for surgery I've done a few things recently:  I had a physical (all is A-OK!), got my blood work done (didn't hear back yet) and I got my RMR tested.

So, RMR testing. If you don't know what that is, it stands for Resting Metabolic Rate. Basically, it's the amount of calories you burn by simply just existing in the world. You then factor in your activity level and that gives you the number of calories you should eat per day in order to maintain your weight. If you want to lose weight, you then subtract how ever many calories you need to in order to lose weight each week (3,500 calories=1 pound). Sometimes weight loss surgery messes with the metabolism making it slower than normal. Since I still want to lose a few pounds before surgery, I decided to have it tested. Then I can figure out how many calories I should be eating in order to get to my goal.

The test involves breathing through the mouth, while your nose is closed, into a small device that measures your oxygen consumption. The dietitian then inputs the resulting RMR into a program in order to generate a report for me. The test was easy, but strange. I'm not a mouth-breather, so I didn't like having a clamp on my nose and being forced to breathe through my mouth. I really had to concentrate on my breathing in order to not panic. I also couldn't swallow all the saliva that was collecting in my mouth, so that was fun. When the dietitian took the mouthpiece out I basically drooled all over myself.

It turns out my metabolism hasn't been affected, at least not that I know of, and I'm really happy about that. Actually, it's faster than I thought it would be and that's likely because I've built muscle through strength training; muscle burns more calories than fat. My RMR is 2,100 calories. So, I burn 2,100 calories just by living. If I factor in my activity level, I need about 2,300 calories to maintain my current weight. However, activity level was difficult to determine, because I'm doing strength training and not cardio, which is what all the websites use. I fall in between light and moderate activity, so we're going with about 2,100 calories to maintain. Since I want to lose two pounds a week (preferably more!), I need to cut 1,000 calories a day to total 7,000 calories a week (that equals two pounds per week lost).

So, the final result?  My diet is staying right where it is for the next few weeks:  1,200 calories a day.  All I have to do is stick to my calorie budget and I'll lost the weight.

Now I need to buy my post-surgical garment AKA sausage casing...

small victories: i did ALL my workouts last week

For the first time in awhile, probably since the beginning of the holidays, I worked out five days last week!  That means I did my four on-my-own workouts and worked out with the trainer, too. Three of the four days I did my prescribed workout, which bores the crap out of me but it's necessary, and one day I did the 30-minute workout my trainer gave me awhile ago. Having one day to take a break from the usual routine, while still working really hard, seems to make all the difference mentally for me. I really like the 30-minute workout because it goes by really fast and I'm just as tired when I'm done as when I do the normal routine that takes close to an hour.

While I was training Friday night, my trainer gave me a little preview of what I can expect after surgery. He didn't show me any new moves, but explained that I will be doing many new things, things I'll probably think are awful, while others I might like. He also said I'd be learning burpees and that no client of his ever leaves a session without doing them. That one scares me, actually, and I'm dreading it. Overall, though, I'm looking forward to changing things up.

a woman with a plan

It's official:  plastic surgery is two months from today! (And my pre-op appointment is January 4!)

As I've mentioned before, I'm really struggling with getting my diet on track and finding the motivation to stick with my exercise routine. I'm still working with the trainer, but I'm struggling on the days I don't see him. My diet...I don't even want to go there. But I did a lot of thinking the last few days and I made a plan of attack.

I'm going back on the bariatric meal replacement shakes. I'm thinking two a day and then one real meal. Don't worry--I'll have all the nutrition I need.  These shakes are designed to be high quality meal replacements. I feel this will take a lot of focus off food, which is what I need right now. I won't have to prep it, think about it, plan it much, or obsess over it. It should also help me flush the cravings from my system. I think one of the pitfalls for WLS patients is that we tend to replace bread and pasta with crackers or other crunchy carbs. That's what makes us crave other things we shouldn't be eating, like cookies, candy, etc.

I'm going to drink more water. I haven't been doing well with that lately and I need to improve. Perhaps I'd feel better if I was drinking more water. I'm sure I wouldn't be snacking as much!

I'm going to cook more. I'll be posting later in the week about that, but the plan is to cook more; I haven't been doing much of that lately and I need to get back to it.

And, finally, I'm going to give it my all with my workouts. I have to stop whining and babying myself. I usually use the excuse of work making me mentally drained, or my back is hurting from sitting at my desk all day so I'm going to take it easy. I mean, yeah, I don't want to make my back worse, but I do need to do the work still. I'll just lighten the weights that day.

I've gotten myself into such a rut that I find I don't desire meals at all. All I want to do is continuously snack or drink my homemade mocha lattes. Sure, my lattes have a lot of protein and are fairly low in sugar, and I only have one a day, but I should be drinking water instead.

I'm hoping that by doing all the things I listed above I will lose the last 15 pounds I want to lose before surgery. It's not necessary, but I really want to get under 200 pounds. I'm 214 right now, so 199 is the goal.

I can do this!!

a new, fast (gruelling!) workout

This is how I felt after my workout today.

I've been struggling mightily lately, both in terms of working out and eating right. I think what started it was my trainer being on medical leave for six weeks, followed by lots of back pain due to many long distance car trips in a short amount of time, and more time than usual at my desk at work. I started out pretty good while he was gone.  The first three weeks went well. The second three weeks, not so well. I at least worked out two of those three weeks. The last week I was on vacation and figured with all the walking I did it would even out. Um, not so much.

My first week back at the studio was over two weeks ago, and it was rough. He took it easy on me, but it still wasn't too pretty. Luckily I had worked out on my own the day before, so I didn't have any soreness from my workout with him the next day. The second week went much better, and I worked out on my own in between. Last week and this week, though, I'm on my own again, as he's out of town. I worked out as well as I could last week; however, my back was an absolute mess from travelling more than 10 hours in the car the previous weekend so I took it easy.  I mostly did a lot of walking on the treadmill, followed by several sets of squats, lunges, and push-ups.   My back is starting to feel better this week, so I decided to do a harder workout.

Awhile back I asked for a condensed workout I could do when pressed for time. My trainer sent one to me last week. It's seven different exercises that are done for one minute each and then repeated. It's supposed to take 28-31 minutes, including a short warm-up.  When I looked at it I thought, "Hmm that's not so bad." Since I got a late start in the gym after work today, I decided to try it.

Here's my express workout routine:

• Warm-up 5 min. combination run in place, jumping jacks, mountain climbers

Rest 1 minute

All exercises are one minute in duration and I have to do as many as I can in that one minute. Rest 30 seconds between each exercise.

• Kettle bell swing, 25 lbs.
• Sumo squats, 25 lbs.
• Push-ups
• Reverse lunges, 15 lbs.
• Dumbbell press, 10 lbs.
• Mountain climbers
• Body squats

Rest 1-2 minutes and then repeat the whole set.

One minute in duration doesn't sound like much, right? Wrong!  This was my first time doing it and it was tougher than I thought it would be. I made it through both sets, and I couldn't make a full minute, or even 30 seconds, on the mountain climbers and push-ups.  I think I had a hard time with those because this routine is very arm-heavy.  The dumbbell presses were tough, too, after about 30 seconds, but I made the full minute on those. The squats, sumo squats, and kettle bell swings were fine, although I reduced the weight to 20 lbs on the sumo squats and kettle bell swings because my back is still bothering me a bit. The reverse lunges really tired me out, but they always do, so that's nothing new.  I'm going to try this again tomorrow.

In order to help me get through the next three months until my surgery, I asked my trainer to give me short-term goals so it doesn't feel like such a grueling stretch of time. I've figured out that I'm not good with long-term goals and deadlines, whether it's at home or at work. I need short deadlines and smaller goals; if it's not in front of face and breathing down my neck I basically just screw around until the last possible minute and then cram. Obviously, that's not going to work with weight loss and core strengthening, which will prepare me for surgery. The way I handle my job is to break projects up into smaller goals with closer deadlines, which helps me cross the big finish line. I realized that I need to do that with my workouts and eating, too. So, my first goal for myself is to get back to working out five days a week and to stop all the snacking at work, and the deadline is the end of next week.  I'm going to start this week--actually I already did--by working out at least three days and not visiting my team's cubicle area at work to grab snacks (they always have snacks over there).

updated workout routine: more weight and more reps...again

My trainer just had knee replacement surgery, and I really think he has too much time to think up ways to torture me. Rather than adding something new to my routine, which I already slog through begrudgingly, he added more weight and more reps. I know, I know. There's an end result in mind and I have to do a lot of drudgery to get there, but it sucks nonetheless. I long for something new to do. Since I'm on my own until he gets back, I pick one or two days and make up my own routine.  The other three days I do the prescribed routine, which he said is fine with him. But I definitely look forward to him coming back in a few weeks.

The "new" routine consists of:

• Jogging in place, jumping jacks and mountain climbers, alternated three times for a total of 8 minutes
• 4 sets of 20 walking lunges holding two 15 lb. free weights by my side
• 4 sets of 20 body squats holding one 15 lb. free weight
• 4 sets of 20 kettle bell swings with a 25 lb. kettle bell
• 4 sets of 20 squat jumps (I still HATE, HATE, HATE these!)
• 4 sets of 15 push-ups
• 3 sets of 20 reverse lunges using a 15 lb. kettle bell (not liking these anymore...boring! I actually use 20 lbs. since it's easier when I'm at the gym at work.)
• 3 sets of 20 sumo uprights using a 25 lb. kettle bell
• 4 sprints, 50 yards each
• Stretching exercises for my back and hamstrings
• Plank, as long as I can hold it

I've been slacking off a lot on the plank, and I really need to get back to it in order to strengthen my back and core. I stopped for awhile because my back was hurting more, which turns out it was because I was wearing my back brace too much, which was actually weakening my back. So, I've weaned myself off the brace and I'm feeling better overall.  Knees are doing good, too, since I'm doing the hamstring stretches every time I work out.  (BTW, hamstring stretches suck, too!  I'd rather be snuggling with Leia.) I recently downloaded an app for my phone called the 30-day Plank Challenge. You plank everyday for an increasing amount of time. Day 1 starts off at 20 second and Day 30 is 5 minutes (!!??).  I haven't tried it yet, plan to start tomorrow.