five years post-op

Today marks five years since I had gastric bypass. Two days before Christmas, since my insurance would be changing a couple weeks later. I was discharged on Christmas Eve, and my Christmas dinner was a Fuzzy Navel protein drink and Christmas movies with my husband and the kitties.

I've been trying to figure out what I should write for this post. It snuck up on me due to Christmas, so I haven't had time to really think about it. I'll sum up the last five years:

This is the best decision I ever made for myself and my health. I thought I was healthy when I was morbidly obese, but it turned out that I had severe sleep apnea, gallstones, a hiatal hernia, acid reflux, and I was borderline diabetic.

This was easy for me, physically. Mentally, that's a different story. It's really hard to still have the desire to eat all the food and then get full after eating maybe 1/3 of my meal.

I started out at 343 pounds and my lowest weight was 203. I'm about 223 at the moment. I think a 20 pound gain over five years isn't bad at all. I've kept off more than 85% of my weight loss, which is a pretty big deal.

Although gastric bypass limits your food capacity, it doesn't fix your mind. You'll still want food, you may still want to binge, and you may even feel like crying when you can overindulge the way you used to. That's why you need to learn how to deal with your feelings in some other way. You'll no longer be able to sit down with a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream when you've had a bad day.

People may judge you for having had weight loss surgery. Only you can decide if you're comfortable sharing with others. Personally, I really don't give a shit if people judge me or not. I tell anyone who will listen that I've had the surgery, it's the best thing I've ever done, and it's a tool, just like any other. You get out of it what you put into it. GIGO=garbage in, garbage out. At events, I don't stand in the corner with my three little hors d'oeuvres hoping people don't notice I haven't touched it. (Although these days I can eat more that I used to right after surgery, so this isn't really A Thing anymore anyway.)

I finally developed the habit of exercise. Do I love it? Hell no. But I can deal with it. I like the way I feel when I'm done, and I like that it makes me feel strong. It also helps my back.

A few before and after pictures:

2013, before surgery.

And now, five years later.

Here are some posts of mine that tell the story.

The surgical process:

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-pre-op-process.html#.XB_iiVxKiUk (gastric bypass)

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2017/03/tummy-tuck-procedure.html#.XB_i4VxKiUk (tummy tuck)

Before and After Pictures:

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2014/02/before-and-after-pics.html#.XB_lP1xKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2016/10/wls-before-and-after-pics.html#.XB_gxlxKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2014/09/tbt-looking-back-while-moving-forward.html#.XB_hklxKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2017/02/tummy-tuck-before-pictures.html#.XB_juVxKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2017/05/tummy-tuck-update-three-month-anniverary.html#.XB_jRVxKiUk

Things I wish I knew before surgery:

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-post-op-life-things-i-wish-i-knew.html#.XB_hK1xKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-post-op-life-things-i-wish-i-knew_16.html#.XB_hRFxKiUk

Thoughts:

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2014/06/six-months-and-100-pounds-lost.html#.XB_iXFxKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2015/09/on-my-own-but-not-all-on-my-own.html#.XB_ixVxKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2017/03/when-will-i-feel-normal-again.html#.XB_ks1xKiUk

https://itjustdawned.blogspot.com/2018/05/what-keeps-me-going.html#.XB_qWVxKiUk

my workout progress

Today I thought I'd give you a glimpse into my workouts.

I've started keeping a workout log so I can see my progress, but it's also so I can send it to my trainer. He often asks me what I did for my workouts during the week, and, since my memory sucks, I probably sound like I'm making it up as I struggle to remember. So, I decided to create an Excel spreadsheet, which I then email to him before my training appointment. I've been keeping it since June 12.

I started working out again at the beginning of May, but didn't start keeping the log until a couple weeks ago; however, I posted back in May that my first workout went like this:






And this is what I'm doing now.  It varies from day to day, but this is a good representation of how far I've come in two months. I've left the blank rows to show you what I might do on any given day. Now that I'm done with the surgery, I tend to mix things up, which helps me stay motivated and interested. I'm not breaking any records with the weights, but I've been able to gradually increase the weight over the last two months, which means my abs are healing and I'm making progress.





My trainer had me do the plank last week and I was shocked (shocked, I tell you!) to see that I was able to hold it for a full minute. Prior to surgery I'd gotten up to about 1:20, so that was really good. Was it tough? Yes. Did I want to give up? Yes, during the last 10 seconds or so. Was there pain in my healing abs? A little, but nothing I couldn't handle; that's improving. Did I accidentally spit on the exercise mat because I wanted to collapse during those last 10 seconds and I refused to and was breathing like a maniac? Maybe...

My trainer says he will be introducing some new exercises over the next month or so. I'm excited, but nervous, too. Mainly because he keeps warning me there will be burpees in the my future. I can't imagine being able to do this. But I said that about other things and I've done them. This will be just another thing to conquer.

tummy tuck update: three-month anniverary

(Note:  Ignore the funky spacing and off-center pics. Not sure what Blogger is trying to do to me today, but it's being a PITA.)

It's been three months since my tummy tuck. Three long months. Or three short months, depending on how I feel on a particular day.

I went for my almost-three-month checkup with the surgeon on May 19. That went well. She was happy with the results and said it had healed "beautifully."  She took pictures for the file and asked how my workouts were going. She noted that on each hip where the incision ends, I have little puckers of skin. This gets annoying, as they can be sensitive. I'm always on edge when Bob goes to hug me or run has hand down my hip. It bothers me when I wear certain pants, too. It's pretty common for this to happen, though, and she will be able to fix it quickly in an office visit. She told me to come back at the end of the summer and she'll fix it. If it bothers me a lot, I can come earlier, but later in the summer would be best since my healing will be complete by then.

As for my workouts, I'm working out. I went back to my trainer several weeks ago. He took it easy on me, but he's ramping it up now. I started working out on my own also. I started at two days per week on my own, plus one with the trainer. I'm now doing three days on my own.  Soon I'll be back to four days on my own. It's getting easier, although I find I'm winded faster these days. But that will improve as I build up my endurance more.

Weight. Hmmm..my weight.  My weight has gone up about 10 pounds since surgery. There are a few reasons for that.  Most of all it's because I'm just having a difficult time reigning my eating in after pushing so hard prior to surgery. Afterwards it was basically a free-for-all and it's hard to break that mindset.  And some personal things going on have made that harder than usual.  But I'm working on it. If I can stick to somewhere around 1,700 calories a day, I'll lose the extra pounds and get under 200. Although I don't visibly look like I gained weight, the scale doesn't lie and I can feel the difference a few pounds makes.

Clothing has been a bit of a pain. After surgery the only things I could wear comfortably were pajama pants and leggings, provided the elastic waist was loose, stretchy elastic. For a long time I couldn't wear much else because part of my incision was still open and very sensitive, but I can now wear some of my button-and-zipper pants. Jeans are kind of iffy, as they feel scratchy and tight to me. I still wear my compression garment when I wear certain pants, as it helps to eliminate the irritation pants cause my belly button and the ends of my incision on my hips. I really don't need it for anything else. I still swell a bit from time to time, but not so much that I really need the garment. As far as my pants size, I'm still a 16. My waist measurement didn't change; however, with all the extra abdominal skin gone, my pants look and fit better. Do I wish I'd lost a couple sizes? Sometimes. But I'm OK with the fact that I didn't.

Here's the new belly button. It's weird looking to me still, but everyone tells me, "It looks like a belly button." I guess because it's not frowning anymore, it seems like it's weird looking. I've started using scar gel, so it should start looking less red pretty soon.

How do I feel about my new body? I love it. For the first time in my life, I feel confident and not self-conscious. I feel like it looks like a plus-sized model's body looks (although, I think it's pretty stupid that a size 16 is considered plus-sized, and I'm not saying I actually look like a model). I like my shape and my flat belly. I love that I can actually see my feet for the first time. And I can see my whole body when I look down, not just my huge belly. I find, though, that I still act as if my extra skin is there. When I'm washing dishes, I'm usually a little farther away from the sink. When Bob hugs me, I tend to lean in with my upper body only. When I bend over to get something, I tend to spread and bend my legs as though I need to accommodate my extra skin, kind of like a squat. It's weird, and it's taking my mind a little while to catch up.

And as for how I feel physically, I'm almost 100%. It's a long process. I feel like I was over-prepared for the pain during the first week, as it wasn't quite as bad as I thought, whereas I feel I was under-prepared mentally and physically for the long haul.  I feel as though I shouldn't be feeling any weird sensations in my abs, or certain areas shouldn't be sensitive anymore. My trainer keeps telling me, "You're still healing!" I know he's trying to manage my expectations and wants me to go slowly so I don't hurt myself, but it's tough. I want to stop feeling the pulling sensation I get in the same spot in my abs all the time when I turn over in bed, or when I sneeze or cough. I don't want to get tired out so easily when I workout. I'd like for the surface of my skin to not feel so sensitive all the time. But I'm getting there. Before long, I'll start to feel like me again. I just have to remember that I'm only three months out from surgery. In another few months, it will all be just a blip on the radar.

back to the trainer i go!

Thursday night was my first session with my personal trainer since my surgery in February.

I worked out Tuesday and Wednesday, despite the sore muscles. Same routine as Monday:  20 minutes of walking on the treadmill, followed by three sets of 20 squats, 20 lunges, and 10 dumbbell presses with 10 pound dumbbells. It was a tiny bit easier this time around, but I was pretty tired when I was done. As expected, Monday's post-workout muscle soreness had fully set in by Wednesday and I was VERY sore!  My legs were sore in general, but my quads were really sore. So much so that it was a project to use the toilet. I made sure to use the handicapped stall, because it has railings I could use to lower myself down.  I am SO glad that I started working out on my own earlier in the week. I got the worst of the soreness over with and it got me back into the mindset to workout.

When I went to the trainer Thursday night, he had a ton of questions about how the surgery went, what they did, how I felt afterwards, how I feel now, my range of movement, etc.  He started me off with a warm-up:  three sets of jogging in place, jumping jacks, and very slow mountain climbers. Mountains climbers weren't hard, but I definitely wasn't able to do them the proper way. He then had me do four sets of lunges, with each set being three complete round trips across the studio.  Next were three sets of 10 squats holding a 5 pound weight. I then did three sets of 10 sumo squats with a 15 pound kettle bell. Finally, it was three sets of lateral pull-downs with a very light weight (not sure what it was). I honestly didn't feel anything in my abs until it was time to do the lateral pull-downs. My squads and thighs were killing me, but that's it. The pull-downs weren't difficult, but they tired me out and my abs were sore. Actually, it wasn't pain, really. It felt like a punching when I pulled down on the bar, and like I was being stretched out when bringing the bar back up. After that I was done for the night. He gave me A LOT of rest periods, but I was still pretty beat.

Basically, I'm pretty much starting from almost the beginning again. He estimates it will take me at least a month or more to get back to where I was before surgery. For now, he wants me to work out only three days a week. It will give me plenty of recovery time and will help me to slowly get back up to speed. He didn't make me do any squat jumps (thank you!!), since those bother me right now. It's the combination of jumping up and reaching up with my arms at the same time, I think. And no push-ups. (Darn....)  He said we'll try a push-up in a few weeks once I've gotten back into the swing of things and my ab muscles are healed a bit more. Knowing how I felt last week doing that one push-up, I'm already pretty nervous for the day when he has me try again. Logically, I know I'm not a fragile flower and I'm pretty well healed, but I can't help but worry that doing a push-up will tear apart my surgically repaired ab muscles. It won't--it's just me being a big ol' baby.  And I have to get over it if I want to move forward.

sore muscles and a bruised ego

Yesterday I went back to working out for the first time since my tummy tuck. I'm sore, and my ego is a bit bruised today.

My last workout was February 24--that's a little over 10 weeks since my last workout. I would have started earlier; however, the middle of my incision separated about three weeks after surgery and it just recently closed up completely. I didn't want to cause any delay in it closing up, plus it was quite sensitive in that area, so I decided to wait until it was closed to start working out again. Could I have done some very basic moves? Yes. But, like I said, I really didn't want to cause any delays in healing the incision.

I made an appointment to go back to my trainer this coming Thursday and decided I should work out a bit before going back. That way I can get the initial soreness over with and hopefully be back in the swing by then. When trying to figure out what I should do for my first workout, I took a look at the ones my trainer gave me when I first started last year. I have to say, I was quite shocked at how little it actually was, but how much it seemed to be at that time: three sets of 10 squats, 10 lunges, 10 jump squats and however many pushups I could do. And that's it. So, I figured I'd do the squats and lunges at the very least. I didn't want to do jump squats given there's still some sensitivity and skin movement (aka "jiggling") in certain areas, and I figured I wouldn't be able to do pushups yet. But three sets of 10 squats and 10 lunges seemed way too easy. And lazy on my part after all I'd been able to do before surgery. So, I decided on three sets of 20 squats, 20 lunges, 10 dumbbell presses with 10 pound dumbbells, and 20 minutes of walking on the treadmill.

How did it go? I did it. I started with the treadmill to warm up. I normally walk at 3.0 MPH or a little faster, but I had to keep it around 2.8 MPH since it was tiring me out. I then started my three sets: lunges, then squats, and then the dumbbell presses. It started out good, although my knees cracked with every lunge. I struggled a little getting through 20 squats, but I did it. The dumbbell presses were pretty easy. Well, halfway through my second set, the muscle soreness set in. Big time. So then I started my third set. I nearly fell over when I started the lunges. That's how sore my muscles got. I rested for a couple minutes and walked it off, then tried again. I got through the rest of it and finished.

I then tried a pushup. I was feeling good because I accomplished something and got a bit cocky about it, I admit. Big mistake. Big. The pain took my breath away for a few seconds and I got up as fast as I could to walk it off. It felt like someone stabbed me in the abs. That's because of all the muscle repair the surgeon had to do. Until that moment, I had no idea how much core strength it takes to be able to do a pushup. Needless to say, I was done at that point. I won't be trying that again until I build the muscles back up.

I was really surprised the soreness set in before I even finished the workout. I was expecting it to happen maybe a little while afterwards or last night. Not halfway through! Today I'm sore, although not as bad as when I first started last year. But, yeah, I feel like a weakling today.

Unfortunately, weight loss surgery didn't magically make me into someone who loves working out. It happens for may WLS patients, but not me. I wish it was different, but it is what it is: for the rest of my life it will be something I do because I need to maintain my weight and stay healthy. But I have to say, although I don't necessarily enjoy working out, I really miss how strong I felt when I was at my best before the tummy tuck. I miss the feeling of knowing I can lift the 40 pound bag of cat litter without struggling, or lug around a wet bag of mulch. I miss knowing I can complete a tough hour-long workout and not drop dead. And I miss pointing out my big quad muscles to my husband; I get a little thrill out of that for some reason. He's not quite as impressed as I am, though.

It's back in the gym today. I'll just have to work through the soreness, just like I did last year when I first started out. (And while at work I'm making sure to use the handicap bathroom stall--it's got the highest toilet and railings on the side. That way I don't have as far to go when sitting down.)

i can wear pants again!

Well, I could wear pants before. What I mean is I can finally, after more than two months, wear pants that have a button and zipper! I know, it's quite the accomplishment. It is. Really! 

After my tummy tuck I could wear only pajama pants because I needed something very soft and loose-fitting. When it was time to go back to work, I really struggled to find pants with either a drawstring waist or a very loose-fitting elastic waist; it was harder than I thought it would be. I ended up putting together a hodge-podge mixture of $5.00 Walmart leggings that just didn't fit right (but I made them work) or decided after the fact I didn't like them; workout leggings from the plus-sized clothing store with a tighter elastic waist, which weren't always very comfortable, and also soft velour leggings; and a few pairs of leggings I actually felt comfortable in. It was a trying time. I wore a skirt a few times, but pantyhose were also a problem so I had to buy stay-up thigh highs, which was a very weird feeling at work knowing I had those on.

During the last two months I tried on my old pants a few times; however, they made my hips feel bruised and the bottom of the zipper landed right where my incision had separated and was still healing. (Plus, a certain body part is now exposed and level with my abs, where it had been barely exposed prior to surgery. Very sensitive!) My old pants are all "skinny" pants leaning strongly towards tailored leggings, so there was no room to breathe in them. Soft and stretchy, but still tight enough to not be comfortable yet. I gave up and decided to wait until the incision was completely closed before trying again.

Today was the day and I'm happy to say my old pants fit and they're comfortable. It feels so good to be wearing regular pants again. Workout capris and leggings were getting pretty old.

I haven't tried my jeans yet. I think I'll wait for the weekend. Baby steps.

tummy tuck recovery progress

No pictures to post today, as my incision is a bit gross looking. 

The incision is healing very well overall; however, a small portion of it--maybe four inches or so, in the front above the pubic area--has separated. It's a shallow separation, as the internal stitches have held very well, but it's annoying nonetheless. It started the week my father died, probably because of the swelling after the long car ride to and from New Hampshire, as well as the added physical activity. I went to the doctor before my next trip up north, just to make sure it wasn't a serious problem to have and to make sure it wasn't infected. It wasn't infected and she said it does happen from time to time since that particular area is a high-tension area after surgery. She cleaned it up since it was still very scabby and there were lots of dead white blood cells surfacing (looks like pus, but it's not runny). It was...an experience. Thankfully I was still numb in that area, because she scrubbed it with peroxide and gauze like it was her kitchen floor! She then told me to make sure I clean it like this a few times a week, and I could even use a loofah sponge if I want to (Hell no!). She also told me to cover it with gauze, and that, yes, it will stick, but when I pull it off it will take some debris with it. How wonderful!

Anyway, I've been cleaning it, but I'm not scrubbing it like I'm stripping varnish. (Sorry, but I just can't bring myself to do that to myself. I admit I'm a chicken.) I keep it covered and change the gauze a couple times a day. Any scabs that form I pull off. Since I'm still numb there it doesn't bother me. Well, not really. It's starting to heal up, but it's very, very slow. Basically, one little area right in the middle of the opening has finally come together, so now it looks like two separate openings. I know it will eventually heal, but it's really annoying to see.

The rest of the incision looks good; however, each end (at either hip) is bothering me. That's where the internal stitches were tied off on the outside and there's a lump of skin at either end that rubs against everything: my clothes, my garment, my bed when I sleep. The tied-off ends of the thread have fallen off finally, but I have a scab on each side, which I think is adding to the discomfort.

As for the rest of me, I feel decent. I tighten up when I sit too long, so I try to get up often. It still hurts when I sneeze, although it's not bad. It feels more like movement with stiff muscles. I've started wearing my compression garment only during the day at work. I take it off when I come home and don't wear it to bed. It seems like I feel better in the morning when I've slept without it. But it's only been two nights, so I haven't had extensive experience with this yet. I find that the surface of my skin in the ab and hip areas get sore when I take the garment off, which makes me feel worse for awhile. Not sure why that is. I still get some itching around the ends of the incision, but it's not as intense or frequent as it was. Pants are still a problem. I can wear leggings and workout capris that have a softer elastic waistband, but definitely can't wear my skinny leggings that have a regular waistband, nor can I wear jeans yet. Even the things I can wear bother me a bit. I find my hips tend to feel bruised when I wear pants, and the waistband sometimes feels tight. Eventually I'll get back into jeans and regular pants.

I haven't gone back to working out yet. I was cleared a couple weeks ago to do so, but I'm waiting until the incision is closed. I don't want to chance it taking even longer to heal, or separating even more. 

I've a little over five weeks out from surgery and I'm feeling pretty good, but definitely not back to normal 100%. I definitely feel annoyed that there are still things that bother me physically, that I'm slower than normal, and still have to remind myself to straighten up. I know it will get better, eventually, and this whole thing will be in the rearview mirror soon, but I just wish it would hurry up. 

tummy tuck "after" pictures

Here they are, what you've all been waiting for:  my "after" pictures. But first...

"Before" measurements: waist, 40"; hips, 48"; weight, 208 (morning of surgery).  The large hip measurement was largely due to my excess skin. 

"After" measurements:  waist 39.5"; hips, 44.5"; weight fluctuates between 200 and 203. So I lost about 3.5 inches of skin from my hip circumference and just a tad from my waist. This may change, though, since I'm still swelling; swelling can last for several months.  I'll take measurements again next month.

Here you go...

 

I had to crop this one a lot, because my scar is directly above the pubic area, which I obviously didn't want to put in the picture. My belly button looks so weird to me. But it's no longer frowning! The stitches were still in it at this point, which was a few days ago. The scar might look terrible, but the surgeon is very happy and says it's looking great. It will fade and soften over the next year. As you can see, I have some yellowing on the skin which is late-blooming bruising.

This was taken today. My stitches are out of my belly button. Apparently when you have real hips your underwear don't fall down. (That was a daily problem prior to surgery, no matter what style of underwear I wore. So annoying!)

I'm still swollen, but that should go away in a couple months.

So, how do I feel?  Physically, I feel pretty good. My skin still feels tight, but I don't have any pain. I'm sleeping in my bed again, although I'm still on my back, which I HATE; I'm a side sleeper. I've tried laying on my side, but I'm a chicken at the moment. I think I'm worried I'll mess something up inside, so I haven't done it.  I have more mobility. I'm still working on standing completely straight. It's a combo of tight muscles/skin and being afraid to stretch myself out; however, I'm upright enough that I'm no longer having back pain, which is a relief. I definitely have swelling, which makes me uncomfortable sometimes and limits me as to how long I can sit upright. I switch between the recliner, my computer desk and sitting up on the couch. I find that I have the most mobility in the morning, so I try to do whatever I need to do and then I relax the rest of the day. I still do some very light things around the house, but I try to stretch out in the recliner later in the day. And I get tired easily. I don't mean that I need a nap after taking a shower or throwing in a load of laundry, but I generally do need to sit down for a bit.  Mentally, I feel good. Way better than a couple weeks ago. But I still struggle with not being able to go back to daily like 100%, even though I've been cleared to do so. I know it takes time, but it's frustrating.

And here is a before and after so you can see how marks on the skin's surface get relocated due to the pulling down of the skin.

Before surgery, the freckle on the left and the laparoscopic surgery scar on the right were well above my belly button.

After surgery, they're below it. Kind of weird, huh?  (Note:  This picture was taken in the mirror so they're on opposite sides from the other picture.)

And how do I feel about my appearance?  I'm happy. There's some puckering along the incision, it's all scabby, and some of the purple marker is still there, but it's still very early and that might improve on its own. My belly button looks weird to me, but it's still healing, too. At first I felt like my thighs were suddenly HUGE and very saggy. But it's because my big ol' flabby belly was covering it before and now it's not, so my thighs are more obvious to me. And no one else sees the "huge" thighs; they comment on my skinny legs. I don't think anyone but me sees my "perceived" imperfections. True with all of us, yes?  And I think it's only natural to want to erase all signs of a lifetime of obesity and look like everyone else I considered "normal" when I was bigger, but at some point I need to accept myself as I am. For me personally, I don't want to go down the road of feeling like I need other work. It's just going to cost a ton of money I could be using for other things, and I'll never have perfection.  I just keep in mind that a lifetime of obesity is always going to be something I carry with me:  my insecurities, saggy skin in certain places, stretch marks that the tummy tuck didn't eliminate, etc. I just do the best I can with what I have. As long as I don't regain and I'm happy with me, that's what matters to me.

It's weird not having my flabby belly there.  It was with me for so long. Thinking back, I don't ever remember a time when I wasn't overweight. I find myself maneuvering in the ways that I did when I had my belly, such as squatting down with my knees pointed out in order to pick something up, or standing further away from the sink because I think my belly is still there.  I'm sure I'll adjust in time, though. I'm also thrilled that I can now see my feet, and I don't have to worry about finding shirts that are long enough to cover my belly roll and...other things.

after the tummy tuck: a sneak peak

Here's a little teaser for you all.  I'll take proper "after" pictures, scar and all, next week. As you can see, I've got my compression garment on. It's on 24/7 pretty much.

when will i feel normal again?

 I have to say, recovering from this surgery is hard. Very hard.

Leia

Yes, there was pain in the beginning; there's still tightness, numbness and weird sensations; and I have a pretty limited range of motion which is improving. But I'm talking about having to just sit around all day, everyday, with pretty much nothing to do and not much I CAN do. I can do some regular things, like shower and brush my teeth. It obviously takes longer, but it's easier now that my drains are gone.  I can bend over, but it's a pain in the ass:  it pulls on my back muscles, which are usually aching because I can't yet walk upright completely, and it's a little uncomfortable since I'm bending an area that was operated on. This means I can't really help my husband with scooping all the cat litter boxes and feeding the cats requires assistance. I also need help putting stuff in the oven and taking it out (I froze a couple casseroles before surgery). And Murphy's Law has kicked in big time since the surgery. If it can be dropped on the floor, I will drop it. And then I have to decide if I want to attempt to pick it up so I don't have to ask someone to pick it up for me, or leave it there all day in hopes that someone will notice it and pick it up (about 50/50 odds in my house).  I can't lift anything more than 10 pounds, so if I do laundry, I can't bring it upstairs to be put away (Who am I kidding? It doesn't usually get put away; it lives in the basket until we need it).  I can't really wash dishes, because the position puts a lot of strain on my already-strained back muscles. I know, because I tried.  I can manage the laundry and I can fold it, although I need one of those grabbing tools so I can get all the socks that I drop on the floor.

Tiffany trying to capture the balloon. She eventually got it
and ran with it, but let go and ran away
when she realized it was following her.

Yes, I have great company in my cousin and husband (who are both awesome BTW!), but I'm still left with being in a recliner for 90% of the day, watching TV and playing on my phone. I have other things I can do. In fact, I had a whole bunch of things I lined up:  jigsaw puzzles, Sudoku (thanks to my wonderful team at work), a cross stitch I started for my best friend like 10 years ago and never finished, and a couple books on my phone.  I tried doing a puzzle yesterday, but couldn't sit in the chair for long. I did one Sudoku puzzle, but got bored with it. Actually, I think the problem yesterday was just a general restlessness, along with a dose of swelling and discomfort. I really haven't done any reading. I usually read at bedtime, but I'm finding that after about five minutes I'm ready to sleep. Haven't attempted the cross stitch, although I got as far as having my husband get the bag for me. As you can see, I'm filling some of my time by taking pictures of the cats.

I'm making progress physically. I can shower more easily now that the drains are gone, although washing my hair is an exercise in contortion. I do a combination of facing forward and leaning over, followed by attempts to face the other way and lean back under the water so I can stretch a bit. I need something to hold onto for that, though, since I sometimes lose my balance. All my tape and gauze is gone, although I have a band-aid over my last drain hole, which I'm not ripping off because it's one of the good ones that will likely survive Armageddon before it falls off on its own (and it's in a sensitive spot...). My abs are still pretty tight, but that's improving a bit. I find that once I get moving around I can stand a bit straighter. That should clear up in the next week or so.  I really don't have any pain other than my back muscles, which is from walking hunched over. I will say that I have a lot of itchiness at the tops of my legs near my hips and around the ends of the incision. That's from healing and the nerves repairing themselves. I know it will pass, but it drives me insane sometimes.

Louise got caught red-handed stealing the flowers.

I never thought I'd miss the normal routine of personal hygiene, working, grocery shopping, and taking care of the cats, the house, and the husband.  Basically, just doing "stuff." I've had a few emotional moments where I wonder if I'll ever feel normal again. Logically I know I will, but it seems so far away. This isn't like having my gallbladder out, or having the gastric bypass, where I bounced back in a week or less. I know I'm in for months of swelling and numbness, no exercise, and having to wear a compression garment nearly 24/7.  But then I remember the payoff:  my stomach is flat (FLAT!!), I'll eventually have a greater range of motion, and I won't have to deal with the unpleasantness of the extra skin hanging on me (rashes underneath, having to tuck it into my pants, having to rearrange it so I can sleep on my side comfortably).

It's a long road, but I'm making progress. I just want "progress" to happen a lot faster!

tummy tuck: recovery

Well, I made it through surgery and all that extra skin is gone and now I'm recovering.

Today is day seven of recovery (counting surgery day) and I'm feeling decent. A couple days ago I would have said "pretty good," but the swelling has kicked in so my compression garment is getting tighter, and I'm dealing with the back pain related to being sedentary and sleeping in one position. I don't feel terrible, but I don't feel quite as good as I did on Friday.

After surgery on Monday I wasn't feeling too bad. As a matter of fact, I felt quite alert. Obviously the drugs hadn't worn off yet. Getting up and to the bathroom was difficult and Bob had to help me get up. But otherwise I didn't feel too bad.

Tuesday...did not start out good. And I had to go to the surgeon later in the day, which I couldn't imagine having to do in my state.  I woke up and the pain and muscle tightness had set in. I woke up somewhere around 4 am having to use the bathroom. Even though Bob was sleeping on the couch just a few feet away, I didn't want to wake him up. Also, I was in pain and didn't want to get up at all. Although I had set my alarm to wake me up every four hours to take the pain meds, I found that they wore off after about 2.5 hours. I was hesitant to take them more often, but then said screw it. I took the equivalent of three doses at once. But since the pain was at about an 8 from the meds having worn off, it wasn't quite as much relief as I was hoping. So I laid there for another couple hours, dozing off and on. Finally I couldn't take the combination of the full bladder, gas pains (narcotics stop you up!), back pain and overall pain anymore and had to go use the bathroom. I must have spent at least a half our psyching myself up to get up. Then once Bob was in front of me to help me get up, I spent at least another five minutes sliding myself to the edge of the recliner and trying to decide when the right time was to actually get up. Eventually I got up, but holy cow the pain!! I honestly felt like I was tearing in two. It was awful. Then I had to get to the bathroom, use it, get back and get back in the recliner. I did it, but it was tough. I was actually sweating from the pain and crying because of the overall misery. But then something wonderful happened: the surgical center called to check up on me. I explained the pain issue and that the pain was at a constant 6 most of the night. I was told that they had given me one of the strongest narcotics they could and couldn't really give me anything stronger. I was then told to take Tylenol along with the pain meds, because it enhances the effects. After I hung up I immediately took two 500 mg Tylenol.  Best suggestion ever! My pain lowered considerably and I felt much better the rest of the day. I made it to the surgeon's office, where she declared that everything looked great and I was cleared to take a shower. No thanks. It was hard enough getting myself to her office.  She changed the dressing in my belly button (the look on Bob's face was hilarious!) and also the bandages around the drains.

Wednesday was better. Still difficult to get up and down, but I started doing it on my own. It was tough, but I managed.

Thursday I took my first shower since my cousin was arriving that day. It was a project, but I managed it by myself and didn't pass out or anything. I washed my hair and the important parts, but that was it. We threw the compression garment in the wash, as it was covered with leakage from the incision and drains. In the meantime I put on my second garment, which was smaller and tighter but I managed. Once the bigger one finished in the wash I threw it back on. I did pretty good the rest of the day and spent a little more time walking around the house. We had a casserole for dinner, which I had prepared and put in the freezer a couple weeks ago.

Friday I was back at the surgeon's office and got one drain removed! I was so nervous thinking it would be painful, but it wasn't at all. I felt maybe a small twinge but that was it. And I wouldn't even call it pain or even really discomfort. I will say, however, that I had the forethought to take my pain meds before we left the house. She took all the surgical tape off, as well as all the bandages. She told me to call on Monday and let her know the output on the remaining drain and if it was low enough, it would be taken out.  Dinner was pizza delivery.

Yesterday was emotional for me. Basically it was a "when will I feel normal again" thing. I didn't expect, at all, to be feeling good by now, so I didn't have any unrealistic expectations there. But the whole sitting/laying in a recliner 24/7, with nothing but TV, my cell phone, and a few walks around the house to occupy my time was (and still is) really getting to me.  I honestly didn't think that being this sedentary would bother me as much as it does. But I know this will take time. I knew it going into this. I just need to deal with it. Plus, the swelling has started. I managed to cook breakfast for all three of us yesterday, and I was ready for a good rest after that. Dinner was Chinese. When they went to pick up the food, they stopped at Walmart and got me some bra extenders for the compression garment. It has a hook-and-eye crotch, but with me being so tall, it was uncomfortable to keep it fastened. But without it fastened, the garment keeps riding up. So, I hooked together two bra extenders and now I can fasten it. Also, my sister came to visit, so that was great.

On Thursday I started reducing my usage of the narcotics and only took them when I woke up, went to bed, and went to the surgeon's office. Today I''m going to try skipping them. Most of what I'm feeling is back pain and muscle tightness in my abs, and I think Tylenol will take care of that.

This week has flown by and everyone has been great (thank you!!), even the kitties (I think they love me being home).  Let's see what this week holds.

tummy tuck: the procedure

As you all know, I had my tummy tuck done this past Monday. I'm on day three of recovery, and it's not quite as bad as I thought it would be. It's tough, yes, but I'm not writhing in pain and in tears 24/7. Although I will admit there were tears yesterday morning. More on that in my next post.

I had to be at the surgical center by 8:40 am Monday morning, and the procedure was scheduled for 9:40 am. Timing seems odd, but whatever. I couldn't eat anything after midnight the night before; however, I was allowed to have certain liquids up until 6:30 am Monday. Among those was water, black coffee or tea, a bunch of stuff I don't remember, and cola. I thought cola was really strange, but since I don't drink soda anymore, I didn't bother to ask why that would be allowed. I had a little water and that was it. I arrived with my bag in tow: both my compression garments (two different sizes--I let my surgeon pick which one she felt fit best), clean socks and underwear, pajama pants to wear home, my lanyard (drains attach to it when taking a shower), and my license and insurance card.

I was very proud of myself for not having to take the Valium my surgeon prescribed for anxiety, but once they called my name the tremors set in. I wasn't cold, but I was shivering anyway. The nurses said that's my fight-or-flight response kicking in. After I suited up in my purple gown, compression socks and booties, they had me give a urine sample and then weighed me (208 pounds). They took my medical history and all that good stuff, then I went back to the pre-op room. I sat in the recliner while they hooked up a hose the gown. Apparently it pumps in warm air. Very heavenly. They then piled on some warm blankets in order to bring my veins to the surface. Just like last time, they could run the catheter in my hand so they had to do the bend of my arm. They said the veins in my hands are small. And through it all, I was still shaking.  Eventually I calmed down, though. Bob came in and sat while my surgeon marked up my body. He said it looked like a road map with circles, solid lines, and dotted lines all over the place. Then it was showtime. Bob kissed me goodbye and I was taken to the OR.  It amazes me how small ORs can be. It's not like you see on the primetime shows, although maybe it depends on the procedure being done. It was cold, too. So, they had me lay down, the IV started...and then I woke up in recovery two minutes later (or so it seemed).

The procedure started at 9:40 am and I was woken up at 12:30 pm, so it was pretty quick. I really wasn't in any significant pain, which was nice. I was definitely in fear of waking up in excruciating pain. It was more like a stinging, burning feeling. It wasn't terrible. They gave me some IV pain meds, but when I felt they weren't working they gave me some toast (so buttery and delicious!) so I could take a dilaudid pill. That seemed to work better. I looked down to see that they had put the compression garment on me before I woke up, I had my two drains, which are in the pubic bone area, and there was a bunch of gauze tucked in all over.  I still had purple pen marks on me, but most were gone.  Then they started getting my clothes together, got me dressed and in a wheelchair, and I was out the door by 2:30 pm. It amazes me that things happen that fast, but that's life in the 21st century I guess.

The ride home wasn't bad. I was nervous because there seems to be an above-average amount of potholes in my town. I got into the house and into the recliner and relaxed the rest of the day. I wasn't feeling tired, so I did a lot of texting and Facebooking. But once I started on the pain meds, I got pretty groggy and I've been dozing a lot. I'll be in the middle of reading something on my phone or watching TV and I just doze off, which is unusual for me.  But I need the rest so I'm not complaining.

So, how many pounds of skin came off?  7.7 pounds. I was hoping for more, but felt it would be 5 to 8 pounds.  At least now I will have a greater range of motion, I won't have to tuck my skin into my pants, and won't have to rearrange it when I turn on my side in bed.  And it won't itch in the same damn spot anymore!