six months and 100 pounds lost

As of today it's been six months since I started my pre-op diet.  Hard to believe it's been that long.

In the weeks (months?) leading up to the diet, I ate whatever I wanted, as much as I wanted, as often as I could.  It was a total free-for-all.  I guess I felt like I had to have a "food funeral" and mourn all those things I thought I was saying goodbye to forever.  What if I had the surgery and I turned out to be someone who couldn't eat any sugar at all?  What if I couldn't ever eat another Big Mac?  What if I couldn't eat fried foods?  What if...?  Well, I better eat them now so I can remember the taste and enjoy them while I still can!

What drove me to eat during that time is the same thing that drove me to eat most of my life:  "what if I'm never able to eat X again?"  If I didn't stop and have something at McDonald's or didn't get the appetizer and the entree, what if they went out of business or stopped making that food?  I will have missed out on something.  Seriously.  I always felt like that about eating out, and food in general.  Sounds strange, I know, but that's truly how I felt.  I always felt like I was missing out on something if I didn't sample everything I possibly could, as though I wasn't getting the most out of the food experience.

I remember starting my pre-op diet and being so hungry the first few days.  I went from eating anything and everything, to eating salad, sugar-free Jello and pudding, pickles, sugar-free Popsicles, and protein shakes.  Oh, and one meal bar a day, which was always the highlight of my day.  I felt like I'd never eat again, but at the same time, I knew it wasn't forever.  It was just something necessary that I had to go through to get to the other side, to start becoming the person I knew I wanted to be.  As you can see, I made it to the other side.  Very successfully, I might add.

So, what have I learned since December 9?

1. I will not die if I feel hungry once in awhile.  
2. I do not need to give into every food craving.
3. Boredom is the enemy and makes me very "head hungry."  In other words, my mind thinks I'm hungry, but I'm just bored.
4. Food is no longer:  love, comfort, fun, something to do, a social event, or a reward.
5. My favorite restaurants are still there; they didn't close up shop.
6. I can eat anything I want, in moderation.
7. Life didn't end.
8. I should have done this 10 years ago and not wasted so much time on the "it" diet.  But it is what it is.
9. I can do this!